Emocions positives i negatives?
Parlar d'emocions positives, com l'amistat, o de negatives, com l'odi, és acceptar que hi ha emocions negatives i emocions positives. Com si una cosa estigués bé i una altra malament. Com si hi hagués emocions que "podem tenir" i emocions que "no podem tenir". Jo no crec pas que hi hagi una llista de sentiments prohibits enlloc...El problema, més que no pas tenir certes emocions, és quan certes emocions ens tenen a nosaltres. El problema no és sentir odi (cosa que va molt bé per activar els mecanismes de defensa o d'atac), sinó que l'odi no ens deixi sentir res més.
Quan no ens donem permís per tenir les emocions que estem tenint, aquestes emocions queden atrapades dins nostre, com una beguda amb gas dins una ampolla que ha estat sacsejada; a la mínima, surt amb força i ho esquitxa tot.
Quan sentim odi, potser podem pensar quina és la nostra necessitat que no està satisfeta. Què volíem i no estem aconseguint. I en què m'ajuda l'odi que estic sentint. Potser escoltant l'odi serem capaços de saber què ens vol dir, i potser podrem començar a pensar en gestionar l'odi que sentim, com quan obrim una ampolla a poc a poc. I potser veurem que hi ha coses que podem dir i fer de forma diferent, que ens poden portar a emocions diferents, i coordinar-nos amb el nostre entorn.
L'alegria, la ràbia, l'odi, l'amor, truquen sovint a la nostra porta, i no serveix de res fer veure que no les sentim, o desconnectar el timbre perquè no truquin. Atenguem-les com es mereixen, perquè surten de dins nostre i han vingut a dir-nos coses. Això sí: vigileu si les cuideu molt, si les mimeu molt, perquè podrien quedar-se a casa vostra una llarga temporada...
Quines emocions cuideu perquè es quedin? Quines estan trucant a la porta i feu veure que no les sentiu?
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Positive and negative feelings?
To talk about positive emotions, like happiness or friendship, or negative, such as hatred, is to accept that there exist such positivity or negativity. It looks like "positive" emotions are good, so you must feel them, and "negative" emotions are bad, so you must not feel them. I don't think there's a list of banned feelings anywhere...
The problem, rather than to have certain emotions, is when these emotions take us. The problem is not feeling hatred (which is good to trigger some mechanisms of defense or attack), but feeling nothing more than hatred.
When we ban ourselves to feel the emotions we are having, they remain trapped inside us, like a sparkling drink in a bottle that has been shaken; when the cap is pulled, everything's a mess.
When we hate, maybe we can think about some unsatisfied needs. Something that we wanted, but we are not achieving. We can also think about the benefits of feeling the way we feel. If we then stop and listen to our feelings, maybe we'll notice what are they trying to tell us, and maybe we can start thinking about managing these feelings, just like slowly opening a bottle. And maybe then we realize that we can say or do something different -which can lead to different emotions-
The problem, rather than to have certain emotions, is when these emotions take us. The problem is not feeling hatred (which is good to trigger some mechanisms of defense or attack), but feeling nothing more than hatred.
When we ban ourselves to feel the emotions we are having, they remain trapped inside us, like a sparkling drink in a bottle that has been shaken; when the cap is pulled, everything's a mess.
When we hate, maybe we can think about some unsatisfied needs. Something that we wanted, but we are not achieving. We can also think about the benefits of feeling the way we feel. If we then stop and listen to our feelings, maybe we'll notice what are they trying to tell us, and maybe we can start thinking about managing these feelings, just like slowly opening a bottle. And maybe then we realize that we can say or do something different -which can lead to different emotions-
Joy, anger, hatred, love, all of them often knocking on our door, and it's useless to turn the ringer off, just to pretend they are not there. Do attend all of them as they deserve, because they come come to tell us something. And be aware: if you take good care of them, if they feel comfortable, they could stay at home for a long time ...
